"A million monkeys banging on a million typewriters for a million years will eventually reproduce the entire works of Shakespeare."

Tennis star Steffi Graf gave birth to a baby boy. Sources say he weighed in at 5 pounds, 7 ounces.

What they failed to mention is that 3 of those pounds can be attributed to the baby's nose.

My parents' 25th anniversary is today. My brothers and I are getting together to send them on a cruise. Mom is talking about Alaska.

Here's to the next 25 years together.

Accounting month-end starts again. Hello 12-hour days. Goodbye life.

I've sent my bitch-letter off to the Canada 3000 Claims Department. I'm asking for compensation for clothing I had to buy, long-distance phone calls and for effectively losing two days of my vacation. With any luck I'll receive a cheque by next year.

WTF? Wait a minute (or an hour)... when did daylight savings time end? I was wondering why all the clocks in my house were screwed up.

Things I learned in Trinidad (in no particular order):

1. During a trip to the beach, it is perfectly alright to stop four times on the way for a beer or three.
2. On the shoulder of the highway.
3. In Trinidad, the words "Twist Off" belong to a foreign tongue.
4. The latch on most car doors is the perfect size and shape to remove a bottle cap.
5. Failing that, it is possible--with practice--to open a beer with another unopened bottle.
6. This will allow you to finish 23 beers out of a case of 24.
7. To prevent this last one going unopened, bring a Pepsi (which come in similar bottles).
8. Or just buy another case.
9. It is perfectly fine for malls in Trinidad to put up full-blown Christmas decorations weeks before Hallowe'en.
10. It is not advisable to pick up wild crabs on the beach.
11. If you still really want to, you should hold them by their backs so you don't get pinched.
12. Being pinched by a crab hurts like a bitch, especially on the very tip of your index finger.
13. Fresh crab tastes really good served over rice.

I saw K-PAX last night. Though I had to crane my neck to see the screen (we got there a little late), I enjoyed the show. As always, Kevin Spacey did a bang-up job. So did Jeff Bridges, but looking through the credits I see he had a stunt double. Stunt double for what?

So, for those of you who have seen it... alien or deraged human?

Hot showers on cold mornings are the best. There's nothing like stepping out of the bathtub and seeing water vapour leave your skin. Cool.

Sorry for the rant; I had some venting to do. I'm really a nice guy. Honest. =)

In between the flights it wasn't that bad. It was good to see my relatives. I drank lots and ate till I was ready to explode. A week is too short, though. I spent a lot of time running from place to place and didn't have much time to sit down and relax. Ah well, next year.

I'll just be sure not to take a chartered flight again.

Goddamned stupid motherfucking dipshit assholes.

I'm never flying with that airline again. In addition to the 12-hour delay I wrote about before I left, the plane was delayed another two hours after that. Then I reached Trinidad only to find that my luggage stayed back in Toronto. I wasn't the only one. About half of the passengers on that plane were missing at least one piece. On top of that, since they only fly down to Trinidad on Wednesdays, it would take a full week for my baggage to arrive. Of course I was returning to Canada that day, so it didn't make sense for them to bring it down at all. I wasted an entire afternoon in the mall, so I could own something besides the clothes on my back.

Trying to get in touch with someone so they could leave my luggage in Toronto was another issue. The people at the airport were useless as tits on a bull. I finally got a hold of the travel agent in Mississauga, and they assured me that everything would be taken care of, that my luggage wouldn't go to Trinidad. I returned home on a flight that was delayed two hours, only to find that the agent didn't do fuck-all, and that my luggage is now in Trinidad. Of course it will be next Wednesday before they can bring it back up, and God-knows-when before it'll be delivered.

I was told by the baggage people in Pearson that in Trinidad the airport staff were supposed to have us fill out some kind of claim form for missing baggage. Of course they didn't do anything but take people's names and phone numbers and said they'd call if they heard anything. I'm supposed to write to the Canada 3000 claims department and tell them what happened, attach receipts for what I purchased and hope I get reimbursed. Soonest I'll hear back from them is in four weeks.

Oh... the reason they left the baggage behind? The pilot decided that it was too heavy for the plane to carry, so left behind an entire container. Fucking asshole knew about it and didn't tell anyone on the plane.

Between the airline, the airport and the travel agent, I've never come across so much incomptence by so many people in my life. They squandered what little vacation days I had this year and can all burn in hell.

I'm back. And tired and frustrated. And I have work in the morning. Good night.

Crap. My flight's been postponed until 6pm tonight. I'm losing 12 hours of an already short vacation. Crap crap crap.

Well tomorrow I'm off to Trinidad for a week, so this will probably be my last post until next Wednesday. Though they've recently managed to shoehorn some rudimentary internet access into their country, I probably won't be going out of my way to use it. There are better things to be doing in a tropical climate.

I still have to pack, but if I wasn't expecting to bring a whole lotta stuff back with me I could probably fit everything I need into my gym bag. Time for sleep. I don't think I'll be getting much tomorrow night as my flight leaves just after 6am.

Blog ya later.

I saw Don't Say a Word this weekend. I liked. It was less freaky (the crazy-chick-in-a-mental-clinic type freaky) than I expected, too.

I went to the Hamilton Bulldogs' home opener last night. It was a great time, even though they lost. Jeff was chosen to compete for U2 tickets during the second intermission against some other guy. In front of close to 5,000 people, they stretched a giant slingshot across centre ice and hurled him on a sled towards some upturned water-cooler bottles. The object was to knock as many of the "pins" down as he could. Unfortunately their aim sucked so he didn't win, but as a consolation prize they hooked him up with some free tickets. Way cool.

The four of us (Al, Chris, Jeff and myself) were also judged to be the rowdiest and most obnoxious in Copps Colliseum, and they named Chris the "Fan of the Game". For that he got two tickets to Edmonton to see the Oilers play. Way to go Chris.

I can't wait for the next game. I mean, how often do we get the chance to thoroghly embarass our girlfriends? Oh wait, that's every day.

I haven't had a day like this in awhile. I was tired all day, I wasn't feeling well (I couldn't stomach lunch), work was tedious and the weather was a constant drizzle, light enough not to require an umbrella but heavy enough to be an annoyance. All of that led to a very miserable Sanjay.

For an added kick in the crotch, my quarterly statement from Merrill Lynch arrived today. In addition to reminding me about my losess with Nortel, I noticed my RSP's have lost almost half their value in the space of a year. I pity the fool who takes investment advice from me.

Okay, if you're going to drive a car, at least you should know the basics of how the thing works and--more importantly--what to do when things go wrong. For many people I know, this is not the case. Sadly I must also point out that each and every one of these car-stupid people that I know is female.

Case in point: Today a girl from work went out to the parking lot at the end of the day to discover her car had a flat tire. Instead of just changing the thing, she decided to call her dad in Ottawa to ask him what to do. We stopped her from doing that and I went down to help her change the tire. When asked what kind of spare she had, she wasn't even aware that she had one.

I'd lobby for tire-changing and oil-checking (and even gas-pumping) to be mandatory instruction in high school if helping the ladies out didn't make me feel so macho.

Good morning! (Bah, humbug...)

Infomercials suck.

Did you know that there are very few updates on people's weblogs between the hours of 2 and 3am?

Still wide awake...

While I'm up I might as well post a link: Reasons not to Drink Alcohol. Ha. Funny. Go there now.

I'm lying awake in bed wondering why I can't fall asleep and lamenting the fact that I'll probably face another groggy morning tomorrow. Now I realize it might have something to do with the four cups of coffee I downed today. Oops.

The power window on the passenger side of my car decided to stop working today. Thankfully it's all the way up, but I hate it when things of mine don't work like they should. Especially things I'm still paying for. Dammit, dammit, dammit.

The other day a student friend of mine from Hamilton was relating to me the day she spent in the mall looking for work. She told me about this one store she went into--a clothing store of some sort--and inquired about openings for a part-time position. The woman inside told her flat out that she wasn't pretty enough to work there. This friend of mine threw her own insult right back and marched out of the store.

Two things. First, this friend of mine is not by any stretch of the imagination unattractive. While standing at an intersection a few weeks ago, she actually caused a car accident when a driver failed to notice a red light because he was ogling her (true story).

Second--and more importantly--while I'm aware that this kind of discrimination does exist, I've never before seen it more open and blatant in the workplace. My perception Canada was that it was a place of acceptance, if grudging at times. Now I'm beginning to rethink that. Humanity is disappointing me more and more each day.

Happy Thanksgiving! (And to my 'Merkin friends, happy um... long weekend.)

These two turkeys shared a birthday yesterday. Happy birthday to both.

Career-Limiting Moves by Sanjay (first in a series):

Me: I can’t view the revenue for this business. The code I’m using isn’t giving me anything.

Boss: Use this other code.

Me: That’s dumb. Who’s smart idea was it to set it up this way?

Boss: Mine.

I’m being teased by the girls at work because of the shirt I wore today. Not that there’s anything wrong with the white DuPont golf shirt I’m wearing, it’s just that the guy next to me (who happens to look similar to me) decided to wear his, too.

They say we look cute together. Next time I’m planning ahead.

Hockey season's back. Go Leafs!

To accrue, or not to accrue? That is the question.
sigh...

I'm falling asleep here. I probably won't be updating for a couple more days. I'm cranky, too, so you probably wouldn't want to hear anything I have to say anyways. =)

Crap... retyping Sunday's post...

Congratulations to James and Sara McWhirter on their marriage.

The wedding was great, though I'm exhausted. It was a Scottish wedding, so there were kilts and bagpipes and the whole bit. I heard yesterday that kilts "offered the freedom of boxers, only better".

The dancing went till about midnight. Pretty early, but everyone (including myself) was exhausted. It was good though. I got to see a lot of friends I hadn't seen in years. Now I've got a midterm in the morning probably followed by another 12 hours at work.

Fun fun fun...