"A million monkeys banging on a million typewriters for a million years will eventually reproduce the entire works of Shakespeare."

Had a shitty day at work today. It's month-end and despite my best efforts nothing would balance for me. A world where figures don't match is a living hell for an accountant. I ended up staying till 9pm tonight trying to work things out, getting grumpier by the minute. Showing up early didn't help matters much. I am not a morning person.

The rest of the week is probably going to be a repeat of this one, so don't expect a happy Sanjay for the next little while. Bed time now. Good night.

Okay... this is weird. To go to the page I linked below you have to copy and paste the shortcut manually into a new browser window. Any thoughts on why this doesn't work as is, I'd appreciate. I'm stumped.

Anyone who's ever played Legend of Zelda on SNES will appreciate this one.
(Sent to me by Kelsey.)

"I wanna girl with a short skirt and a looooooooong... jacket"

Yesterday I was invited to Jeff's cottage for a weekend of golfing and binge drinking (not necessarily in that order), but months ago my mom had asked me if I wanted to go camping with the family (and some relatives) this weekend. Against my better judgement I said yes, only because I didn't have a good excuse. Now I've got and excellent reason not to go, but can't cuz I'd feel bad ditching my family to go have fun. Stupid conscience.

I had meant to mention this earlier: I saw A.I. on Saturday night. Really good movie, and almost worth the $12.50 it costs to see one at Silver City. Typical Steven Spielberg stuff (meaning there's nothing typical about it). If you do decide to watch it however, be prepred for a lot of sitting. It's two and a half hours long.

Well I've finished the department web site for work that I had been developing on and off for the last couple weeks. It's the first one where I went and created all of my own graphics. I think it looks pretty good coming from someone with only a rudimentary knowledge of web design.

Miles better than the old one, at least. It looked like they loosed someone on Frontpage and said "go", resulting in something that belonged more on geocities than on a corporate intranet. I'm suprised I didn't find animated gif's all over the place, and if my PC at work had speakers I'm sure I'd hear midi music in the background.

Well, those of you that are interested can check out the page here. Of course the confidential bits have been left out, so don't be surprised to come across some blank sections.

For anyone in the Oakville area looking forward to sunny weather this week, I apologize in advance. My car is all nice and shiny after a wash and wax, so I'm expecting the rain to start any minute now. What will probably happen is the rainstorm will be localized over my house. Or just as likely, the family of geeze inhabiting the DuPont parking lot will use it for target practice.

Maybe I'll keep the car parked in the garage for the summer and just walk.

Back atcha Kelsey:

Roses are red
Violets are flowers
I can keep going
For hours and hours

While thumbing through Trick's photos I came across this one of his kid and nearly fell out of my chair laughing. Yep, that pretty much sums it up.

I've sponsored Jayme for her 24-hour blog-a-thon. She's doing well so far, and by the end of it I think I'll be an expert when it comes to sailing (at least at what not to do).

Finally at the end of July I had my first beer on a patio for the summer. Yesterday Kelsey and I went for dinner at the Stoneboat by the lake on Bronte Rd. It was nice, if a little cool for this time of year. Translation: Cool for me, December-like for her.

I don't know what it is, but it seems that women always feel about ten degrees colder than the actual air temperature. I bought her a drink from the bar which seemed helped to help a little, but when we left the restaurant she insisted we get ice cream (which of course made her cold again). Sigh.

Ha... Gotta love Prince Phillip in his old age. He was reported to have told a 13 year-old boy that he was too fat to be an astronaut. "You'll have to lose weight if you want to go in that (space rocket)".

Other recent Phillip-isms:

To British students in China: "If you stay here much longer you'll all be slitty-eyed."

To a Scottish driving instructor: "How do you keep the natives off the booze long enough to pass the test?"

During a British recession: "Everybody was saying we must have more leisure. Now they are complaining they are unemployed."

Inscribed on a card from Kelsey:

Roses are red
Violets are blue
If I were a hooker
I wouldn't charge you

A young family moved into a house next door to a vacant lot. One day a construction crew turned up to start building a house on the empty lot. The young family's 6 year old daughter naturally took an interest in all the activity going on next door and started talking with the workers. She hung around and eventually the construction crew - gems in the rough, all of them - more or less adopted her as a kind of project mascot.

They chatted with her, let her sit with them while they had coffee and lunch breaks and gave her little jobs to do here and there to make her feel important. At the end of the first week, they even presented her with a pay
envelope containing a dollar.

The little girl took this home to her mother who said all the appropriate words of admiration and suggested that they take the dollar pay she had received to the bank the next day to start a savings account.

When they got to the bank the teller was equally impressed with the story and asked the little girl how she had come by her very own pay cheque at such a young age. The little girl proudly replied, "I've been working with a crew building a house all week."

"My goodness gracious," said the teller, "and will you be working on the house again this week too?"

"I will be if those useless cocksuckers at the lumber yard ever bring us the fuckin' drywall" replied the little girl.

I am definitely seeing this one...
(Pilfered from Jon.)

Les poissons, les poissons. How I love les poissons!

What a wicked thunderstorm we had this afternoon. I was out driving at the time and my windshield looked like someone was throwing buckets of water on it. I saw lightning strike about once every two minutes, the closest coming about 20 feet from the car. The thunder shook the glass.

I heard on the news just now that two Oakville men were killed by the lightning while picnicing at Bronte Park. It makes me really thankful for the car I was in.

There's nothing like hecking the opposing team at a Ti-Cats game. Or their fans. Or cheerleaders. Espcially when the other team is the Argos. And the game is in downtown Toronto.

Jeff and I are now officially known (in Caledonia anyway) as the Spice Boys. Last night the two of us went out to the karaoke bar with three girls we know. While sitting at the table thumbing through selection booklet I noticed they had the Spice Girls listed. Me being the bastard that I am signed Jeff up and we ended up at the front of the room belting out the lyrics to "Wannabe". No one took up our offer to "get with our friends" if they "wanna be our lovers".

When we were finished at the bar Jeff and I were offered accomodations in our friend's hot tub. After long and careful deliberation we decided that it wouldn't be out of question to take a dip. Five hours later when the sun was just above the horizon we decided it was about time to leave. I was so wrinkled when I finally came out of the water that I felt like a walking prune. Yick.

Now to catch up on some z's...

(Big thanks to Ginnie for her hospitality.)

I got nabbed speeding yesterday on my way to work. 104 km/h in a 60 zone. While that might seem outrageously fast, it's norm on the road I was travelling on. Those of you who know Oakville/Milton will be familiar with the stretch of Sixth Line between Britannia and Derry Rd. It's arrow-straight with nothing but fields on either side. It's such a desolate place that the bridge going across the creek is only one lane and the wood rattles as you drive over it.

Coming off of that bridge two officers had set up a radar trap. By the time I noticed anything a man in a blue uniform was on the road waving me in. I'm amazed that they found enough bush to hide two cruisers in. Long story short they evenually knocked it down ot 76 km/h (around $50). It means I still get two demerit points though. Crappity-crap.

I don't know what this'll do to my insurance, but I'm sure there's some shit-filled donut out there with their badge numbers on it. Jerks.

While outside yesterday evening I spotted a skunk in my yard. It didn't come near me or anything but the neighbours thought their property values were already low enough living next to me and called the Humane Society to get rid of it. Awhile later the guy pulled up to my house in his van and I directed him to its last known location. His arsenal? A metal rod and a pet carrier.

I'll try to keep that image in mind the next time I ever complain about my own job.

I don't know what is was today with me and stains on my clothes. This evening I was watering the lawn in a new golf shirt I got from DuPont and while wrapping the hose I got some dirt on the front. Earlier in the day I was out for a walk with a girl from work after raiding the freezer for a couple of fudgesicles, and within five minutes of being outside they started to drip. Two grown adults walked back into the building with chocolate stains on their clothes.

When I returned I tried to get my stains out with soap and water. Of course the chocolate landed directly on my crotch of all places, so when I walked back to my desk I was being heckled about my apparent incontinence. Sheesh.

I was almost late for work today. Normally I stroll into the office sometime after 9, but today I was in training, meaning I had to show up a half hour early. By the time I rolled out of bed it was 8:10, but managed to make it there only two minutes into the instructor's babbling. Without a shower or my morning coffee however, it took me qutie awhile wake up. While fixing my second helping of java I dropped the cream into my styrofoam cup and made a mess all over the table. Those who noticed had a good laugh, especially the ones who had already commented on my zombie-like state.

The training is brutal. I've spent the last two days caged inside the seminar room staring at a computer screen while listening to the lady at the front of the room drone on like somebody's mother-in-law. I couldn't even open up my email or a solitaire game cuz I had my boss perched behind me the entire day. At around noon we were let out to be watered and fed, but as soon as they saw us getting too used to our new-found freedom they herded us back into the room with the vertical blinds that today seemed like steel bars.

Towards the end I got so bored I started mentally undressing my more attractive co-workers. I eventually lost interest in that, so I moved on to the less attractive ones. It didn't take me very long to glue my eyes back to the computer in front of me.

At work they've put me in charge of maintaining the department web site. With all of the activity in the past few months It's sorely out of date and in dire need of an overhaul. One thing I'm glad for however, is the distinct lack of Netscape among DuPont computers, which will make my job a whole lot easier. No wasting my time catering to people surfing with bass-ackwards browsers.

And I was given complete creative control. Mwa ha ha. Fools.

My parents have gone camping for a few days. This means that except for when my brothers are home I have the house to myself. When I was growing up I would have been ecstatic that they left, but now it just means more work. No more dinner being served to me and my plates cleared when I'm done. No more coffee made or lunch bagged in the morning before I go to work. I have to water the lawn and the garden and I actually have to do my own dishes.

It's a good thing that mom cooked and stored cache of food in the fridge before she left, or else I might starve. As it is I have to figure out on my own how long I can put the food in the microwave before it bursts into flames. They had better come back soon or you might find me chasing squirrels through the woods with a pointed stick.

From theonion.com news:



Jenna Bush's Federally Protected Wetlands
Now Open For Public Drilling

Until my stay in Pickering I never realized how much fun it is playing on bails of hay. Sometimes it's really nice having friends who live outside of the city.

No Nikki, I'm not dead. I just haven't been around this weekend. Since Friday I've been in Pickering staying by a friend who happens to like her auto racing as much as I do.

I've been watching the Molson Indy just about every year and I thought it'd be fun to see it live. I was right. There's nothing like seeing the cars race by at breakneck speeds while your ears bleed from the sound of the engines. There were all kinds of leagues racing in addition to the Indy cars, so there was always something going on. The highlight of my weekend (besides the race itself) was getting my program autographed by Alex Tagliani--who finished second--and Patrick Carpentier, two of the three Canadian drivers racing. I'll be back next year for Paul Tracy's.

It's the laptop from hell.

I should really stop opening those mailings I get every so often from Merrill Lynch. Today I was informed by the little slip of paper of exactly how my shares in Nortel are doing.

Instead of my statement they should send obituaries. It'd be less depressing.

At a nursing home in Miami, Florida, a group of seniors were sitting around talking about their ailments:

"My arms are so weak I can hardly lift this cup of coffee," said one.

"Yes, I know. My cataracts are so bad I can't even see my coffee," replied another.

"I can't turn my head because of the arthritis in my neck," said a third, to which several nodded weakly in agreement.

"My blood pressure pills make me dizzy," another went on.

"I guess that's the price we pay for getting old," winced an old man as he slowly shook his head.

Then there was a short moment of silence.

"Well, it's not that bad", said one woman cheerfully. "Thank God we can all still drive."

Smells like a skunk died outside our house. And the breeze is blowing in just the right direction for the scent to come straight through my bedroom window. Mmmmm...

For the first time in days I`m home for more than two consecutive hours. I can't remember the last time I had a decent night`s sleep. This past weekend was spent visiting a friend in Pickering, going to the Oakville Jazz Festival (not as good as I had hoped) and spending time with Kelsey and her mom's family at a camp site out in Boonieland somewhere.

Yesterday was Kelsey's birthday (happy 19th!) so the night was dedicated to her. We had dinner prepared at our table in a Japanese restaurant in Niagara, and afterwards drinks with her parents. She liked the earrings she got, too. Her birthstone matched her dress that night. I liked them cuz they were shiny, and throughout the night she had to keep telling me to look at her face instead of her "pair".

The night went really well, and now I finally have time to write the guys at ICQ to thank them for those little birthday reminders.

Dave's been bugging include him in the Stor-gy. Unfortunately he doesn't fit very well into the definition of a harem. Sorry, bud. Maybe when I'm more open-minded.

Trish suggested that with the arrival of summer my StorTrooper might be a little warm in his pimp outfit, so here's the new buff Sanjay, along with (left to right) Kelsey, Trish, Stacey.

Found a couple new Flash cartoons. Enjoy.


Genyu's Blade


Ninjai: Chapter 2

What an insane week this has been. In the space of a long weekend I've gone from barely being able to fill 7.5 hours at work to doing more than 12 hour days and scarfing down lunch in front of my computer screen. Not only that, but it comes right after I spent five hours driving from Kelsey's mom's place on Grand Island, NY to home Monday night because of the hoardes of people returning from the States. I didn't get home until well into the morning.

So what's up with this shitty weather? It looks like starting with Canada Day mother nature decided to remind us that we really do live in the Great White North. I spent mine on a family picnic, huddled under a tarp trying unsucessfully to shelter from the wind and the rain. As if that wasn't enough, some of us decided to brave the wind and paddle around the lake in a canoe. That canoe tipped over, spilling its passengers and trying to float to freedom. Fortunately I was on the shore at the time awaiting my turn. Even more fortunately, all four of them (including the five-year old) were wearing life jackets.

UN-fortunately there were no lifeguards on duty and I was the only one on shore who could swim, so I stripped to the waist and went in after them. My brother (who could also swim) was in the boat when it capsized and was pulling the little one to sure. I made sure he was safe first before I went out to the overturned canoe where the other two were hanging on. I was about halfway across the lake when I noticed a motor boat speed by, so I turned back. I guess someone on shore radioed for help.

I think they were better off without the help, though. Once the lifeguards got there they couldn't get their engine started and had to row. I guess this guy wasn't used to those newfangled paddle contraptions however, and spent 15 minutes going around in circles before he got his own boat straight.

I'm thankful for what help they could give, and that everyone was okay. I'm not thankful for the wind that tried to rip right through me when I climbed out of the water. Damn nature can be a bitch.

Happy Birthday, Canada!