m o n k e y ' s . t y p e w r i t e r

I watched Lost & Found the other night, and realized I've really taken a liking to Sophie Marceau. Some other recent flicks I've seen her in include The World is not Enough (Elektra King) and Braveheart (Princess Isabelle). She's well into her thirties yet she still turns me on. Maybe I'm just a sucker for a French accent.

For the first time in weeks I woke up this morning with nothing to do, nowhere to go. I feel lost, like I no longer have a purpose. With absoutely nothing to accomplish I'm beginning to wonder why I'm continuing on with this existen--

Ack! Here comes mom, probably looking for help in the garden. Time to make like a tree and get outta here.

I can't get over how much my social life would rot if I was ever sucked into the clutches of fatherhood. Today my good friend called me up to see if I was interested in a round of golf, as a prelude to the long weekend. Naturally I put off my plans of entertaining my Trinidadian relatives and headed right over, only to find him lounging on the couch with his leaky baby and no intention of moving. When I questioned him he told me that Karissa wasn't feeling well and he'd feel bad leaving her behind for mom to look after.

I ended up wasting a warm, dry summer evening vegetating in front of his TV; it's days like this I really regret come January. That's it, no more hanging out with family guys unless they ditch the family first.

The power in the house went out today. For an agonizingly long time I was separated form the outside world, cut off from the various types of media that my mind had grown used to feeding on. With no TV, VCR, DVD or Internet, and silence all around me I felt like I'd been tossed solitary confinement. I couldn't eat my dinner because the microwave wasn't working. I was even considering going out to the garage to make conversation with my basketball. His name would be Spalding.

Fifteen minutes later X-Men came back on and my world was normal again.

Added new comments system, thanks to Reblogger. Not pretty, but it does the job. Go on, click the little blue bubble. You know you want to.

I'm away from my computer for two days and it takes an hour to catch up on weblogs. Sheesh.

I got a phone call today as I was on my way out of the parking lot from work. My car--and consequently, my phone--had been roasting in the sun for the entire afternoon. When I pressed it against my ear it felt like I answered my mother's steam iron by mistake.

Yesterday I went down to Niagara Falls with a bunch of relatives. I was one of the drivers and in my back seat were three small kids trying to mutiny. In the space of an afternoon, one of them decided the QEW would be a good place to throw up, another asked "Are we there yet?" literally 15 times, and the remaining one almost decapitated himself by sticking his head out of the window while playing with the power window button. Suddenly a vasectomy is looking mighty appealing.

We'll miss you, Archie Bunker.

1925-2001

The last two days at work has been full of meetings. Boring meetings. Training mostly, on one of their proprietary systems that no one understands. The problem was this training isn't hands-on; someone was standing at the front of the room talking through a Powerpoint presentation. I felt like I was in one of my lectures again, and being tired as I was I closed my eyes for two minutes. Unfortunately I got caught napping. The good thing was it was just one of my coworkers and not a manager, and everyone had a good laugh at my expense.

In addition to my regular caffiene intake I really need to find me a pair of glasses with those eyeballs painted on the lenses. Or at least a pair of toothpicks to prop my eyelids open. Any other suggestions?

More proof of infinite igorance: Yesterday morning a guy phoned in as a guest on the morning radio show on Edge 102 who was part of an organization lobbying for a complete ban on breastfeeding. He claims that it created an "incestuous relationship between mother and child" and that the mother "derived erotic pleasure" from the activity. Sure, buddy.

Trying to think of someting to write tonight. About the only semi-interesting thing that happened to me today was getting my business cards. Wee... I'm important. That, and a new girl started in the office. She already did an eight month work term in the same department though, so I guess technically I'm still the new kid on the block. Oh well, sometimes ignorance really can be bliss.

Had to steal another link tonight. Jish is the new victim of the moment.
This one made me laugh.

I can't get over how embarassing Indian movies can be. Here's why.
(Link stolen from Roy.)

Today was the annual DuPont golf tournament. I traded in a day at the office for an 18 holes and dinner at the Deerfield course in Oakville. The highlight of the day? Dinner. Not that the steak and potatoes were anything special, it's just that my game sucked that much. It was a good thing we were playing "best ball", otherwise I'd probably still be out on the course, pulling my hair out. I did have one or two good shots, but even those ended up in the water. Oh well, if my ball's going in the drink at least I looked good doing it.

I also did something really stupid coming out of the parking lot on my way home. I got into my car and saw the space in front of me was vacant. Great, this meant that I could drive straight through instead of having to reverse. I put it in drive and hit the gas. Thump THUD. I had forgotten about that concrete barrier in front of me, which my car was now straddling. Ouch. At least my tires were still on the ground.

I tried to creep over the barrier in reverse, but I couldn't get over it without momentum. Some guys came over and helped push (including one of my golf teammates, who had already witnessed me making a fool of myself on the course). I hit the gas again and tried to ease it over. Thump THUD. I was back where I started. I did a quick inspection for any damage, and thankfully there were none I could see. Nothing was leaking either, but I'll probably still take it in for an inspection. Moral of the story? Don't try to impersonate an SUV with your Ford Taurus.

Sweet, my tickets for the Molson Indy finally arrived. Oh happy day.

I just noticed my fingernails are all shiny from waxing the car last night. Who needs a manicure when you've got Turtle Wax?

Exhausting Sunday..

1. Strawberry picking this morning (mom makes the best jam).
2. Pick up brake pads from Canadian Tire to fix squeaky brakes.
3. Remove tires from car only to discover that current pads are fine.
4. Wonder what the hell is causing the squeaking, return to Canadian Tire for refund on pads.
5. Wash car.
6. Dinner with relatives. Get beaten repeatedly up by gang of little cousins.
7. Wax car.
8. Update weblog and wait for rain.

My cousin is heading back to Trinidad tomorrow. I'm glad... she was beginning to get on my nerves.

New relatives from Trinidad arrived today, however. This time from my dad's side of the family. My grandmother, her sister and two cousins. It's always nice to see my grandmother and (i guess i would call?) great-aunt. It's too bad they have to go back in three weeks.

This seems to be a recurring thing, me missing posts during weekends. I'm just not home very much, I guess. Friday night I saw two movies at the drive-in with Kelsey: Angel Eyes (Jennifer Lopez) and Swordfish (John Travolta). Thumbs-up Swordfish, thumbs-down Angel Eyes.

Yesterday I was at a picnic at Niagara-on-the-Lake. This is an annual event with my friend's family, and it usually involves a lot of people (including kids), some baseball and a LOT of food. Lunch seemed to last the entire afternoon as there was enough there to feed three times our number. I was surprised when dinner was announced because I wasn't sure that lunch was actually over. There was the usual barbecue stuff, salad, BEvERages, fruits, desserts and all sorts of other goodies, and I think I'm feeling kinda sick now because of the amount of food that I ate. That, and playing baseball (and soccer) on a constantly full stomach. I guess mom was right about that digestion thing.

Oh well, besides my queasiness it was about a good a day as could be hoped for. Near-perfect weather, too. This is exactly why in January I long for the days of summer.

There was an IT fair today at work. It was a day where basically everyone in the building attended seminars and visited information booths showing off gadgets and providing information about making better use of our PC's. We were each given a passport to get stamped as we moved to each station, and when enough stamps were accumulated we were entered into a draw for various prizes, including a TV.

I ended up winning a wine rack, along with four bottles of wine to get me started. Don't ask me what kind it is, I wouldn't be able to tell you even if I could see the labels clearly through the cellophane wrapping. I just don't know where I'm going to put the damn thing. I guess if I get started on the wine it'll make it easier to carry around. Party at my place!

There was also a woman there doing caricatures. She's very talented; each drawing took only three or four minutes. Here's mine.

I was at Monaghan's tonight after practicing on the driving range with Jeff and Mike. We ordered a couple of pints and feeling a little hungry also ordered some wings, 25 hot and 25 medium.

Those were the hottest wings I've ever had that weren't labelled "snakebite" or "suicide". After eating just two of them I could feel my face tingling. The worst part is, they burn three times for every one you eat. Once on the tongue, once with an upset stomach and the last I'll feel sometime tomorrow.

I pity the poor soul who cleans the washrooms at work.

Went out to play some impromptu road hockey tonight with the guys. Man I'm gonna be sore tomorrow. I didn't realize just how out of shape I was. I didn't do too badly though, even after someone else's stick slid up the shaft of my own and scraped the same finger that got wedged in the car trunk. Ow.

Time for a shower and bed. Good night, folks.

After a late night at work I had some time to kill this evening, and the urge to finally seriously start into Final Fantasy IX on my Playstation. Looking forward to a couple hours' worth of mindlessness I got downstairs and found it missing. After asking around I found out that my brother had taken it to his girlfriend's place in Toronto.

This really pissed me off. Not so much that my console was gone, but the fact that he didn't even bother to leave a note saying he took it, let alone ask my permission. Had he asked for it I most likely would have said yes, but as it stands the he's getting his bony little ass kicked when he comes back tomorrow. This isn't the first time, and when I'm through with him the prick's going to have a thorough understanding of the word "mine".

Update on my injury: My finger's changing colour. So far it's gone from deep purple to navy blue. I've got my very own moodring.

This would be cool if it didn't hurt like a bitch every time it bumped into something.

What is it with me and accidents lately? Yesterday I got the edge of my index finger squeezed when Kelsey closed the trunk of my car. There were about 20 seconds--what felt like five minutes--of excrutiating pain while I tried to tell her where the trunk release was, by the driver's seat. It's been a really long time since I've been in that much agony.

It caught me right at the base of the fingernail, and at the moment the bottom half of it is a deep purple. I don't think I'll be keeping that nail for much longer. My finger's still throbbing so it still hurts to type. Right after I finish this post I think I'll check under the Windows Accessibility Options to see if there's an option for "Index Finger Squeezed by Car Trunk".

I thought stuff like this only happened to kids. I guess in future this will make me pay more attention to stray body parts.

Congratulations, Ray.

I had this tune in my head on my way to work this morning. At that moment while flipping through the channels I found a radio station playing that same song. I don't know about you, but it makes my day when that happens, which is why it's the new song of the moment.

I finally got out to see Shrek tonight. I really really liked it. Really.

I think that it's going to become one of those rare movies that I would actually own on DVD, though unlike some people, I don't have a few thousand bucks lying around to drop on movie library of my own.

I also went mini putting with my ex-girlfriend this evening, before the movie. I couldn't believe they could make a minigolf course so hard . Twice I ended up in the water and once in the sand trap. Needless to say, she kicked my ass. The one bright point was my hole-in-one (pure luck). Man I suck.

This is just cool.
(Link tiefed from Trick.)

Golf officially became a sport for me today. I went to the driving range after work to get in some practice before the upcoming tournament. After paying for a large bucket I took my place at one of the spots, a knee-high barrier on either side of me. A couple of places down was a was a woman sitting on a lawn chair watching her husband thwack balls out into the field.

I was doing alright until I mishit one of my balls so bad that it careened off the barrier and hit the man square in the forehead. All I heard was "thunk... shit!" and turned to see blood pouring down the man's face. I apologized, and he grunted something at me before going to the washroom to clean up. When he came back most of the blood was gone, but he had a big hole above his right eyebrow. I suspect he'll need stitches.

And this happened the day after I send the head of my rental driver flying into the field after the shaft snapped in two. I think I was safer playing hockey.

Many thanks to Marc who was giving me some pointers tonight (well after the aforementioned incident). Hopefully in future I won't be churning up so much dirt.

I can't get over how stupid some people on the road can be. No, no one cut me off or almost ran me over, or anything of the sort. Today a fire truck was making a left turn. A big red fire truck, with sirens going and lights flashing.

And people still saw the green light in front of them as a sign that despite the fact that someone's life could be in danger it was still their God-given right to cross the intersection. Even as the fireman leaned on his horn people still tried to cut in front of the truck. I guess wherever they were going must have been really important.

It would be fitting to see those people one day roasted alive inside a building themselves. See how they like it.

A few days ago I found myself in Terminal 3 of Pearson Airport awaiting a friend's arrival. Beside me was an older gentleman, wrinkly and balding and his few remaining hairs white. I would guess he's in his seventies. His face was one in a sea of anxious friends and relatives, scanning faces of the passengers emerging from customs and into the awaiting throng. I barely noticed him.

Eventually he found the person he was looking for. I would guess that she was younger than him by at least ten years, though that is probably the result of the colour masking her grey. She poked her face out of the crowd, and spotting the gentleman beside me she ran towards him squealing like a girl and throwing her arms around his neck. They then started to kiss each other like a couple of teenagers, and eventually had to be ushered on their way by the security guard because they were holding up traffic behind them.

It made me wonder if someone would still find me attractive and love me that much, even in the twilight of my years. I mean these irresistibly handsome features I possess now can't last forever.

That's one lucky guy, whoever he is.

Stupid cable outage. Well, uneventful day. Paid five bucks to get my car washed at work (for charity). It came out dirtier than it started. Later on I was over at Kelsey's with my cousin from Trinidad (yes she's still here...) watching a movie, Die Hard I. It's been awhile since I've seen the flick, and it was nice to watch it uncensored for a change.

Off to bed now. Yippie ki-yay, motherfucker.

Where did all the time go? All of a sudden I'm busy again. The last few days at work have been crazy. It seems I even have to schedule my weekends. I've been meaning to take my car in for service since two weeks ago but haven't had the time.

Friday night I spent with a friend in Pickering. She's the one who took me to that gay bar her friend owns, and that's where we ended up again. One of my friends got hit on by a guy who tied his shirt in a knot just above his navel.

I reached back at my friend's place around 3am or so, and even though I was exhausted from work and the night out, I still couldn't fall asleep on her couch. It could have had something to do with her six cats mewling for attention and using me as a highway.

Even more tired than before, I got up and we drove down to Toronto to the Hockey Hall of Fame. Believe it or not it was my first time there, and I felt like a kid in Disneyland. The highlight of the day was getting my picture taken with the Stanley Cup.

The next day was spent golfing--in the rain, again--with Kelsey and her dad. He's pretty good and was trying to help me out, but I think I was doing worse than before. I kept either fanning over top of the ball or tearing huge chunks out of the turf. I don't think I've ever seen worms fly so far before.

Now it's back to work. My god... what's gonna happen once I have kids?