"A million monkeys banging on a million typewriters for a million years will eventually reproduce the entire works of Shakespeare."

If I ruled the world, there would be no designated gimp parking spaces. No pregant women spaces or 'parent with small child' parking either. The only special parking spots would be reserved for able-bodied, childless adult males who can walk with their arms swinging (i.e. with nothing in them). So there.

Yesterday was the Kipling ceremony at Mac. This event marks an engineer's ascent from student geekdom into post-student geekdom, much like puberty turns stupid adolescents into even more stupid teenagers. The birth of this annual tradition also gave rise to the mostly harmless pranks that happen around campus the night before, such as spraypaintings, decorated classrooms and cars painted and abandoned in front of buildings.

This time they outdid themselves. Resting on the north wall of the hospital was a Honda Accord, suspended by steel cabling twenty about feet off the ground. How they managed to do this is beyond me, which is probably why I'm not an engineering student. I do have a picture of the car but it was taken with a conventional camera so I have to wait for developing. For now you'll have to be satisfied with this artist's rendering.

If only they could be so creative with striking staff union picketting in front of the parking lot. I'd be happy to supply the rope.

The Leafs won 2-1 last night in an away game against Philidelphia. It was the first time in awhile I've seen them play without their heads up their asses, but that wasn't what I'll remember about the game. The highlight of the night was an incident involving Tie Domi and one of the Flyers fans.

Picture this: Domi gets sent to the penalty box for "unsportsmanlike conduct". Fan throws beer at Domi. Domi squirts water at fan. Fan leans on glass. Glass collapses and fan falls in penalty box. Fan swings at Domi. Domi pounds the shit out of fan.

This kind of stuff is a big reason I grew up watching hockey in the 80's. And it's why Domi's name graces the back of my own jersey today.

Damn... Blogger is quick tonight. Ev done good.

New linkage: Pocketsound, Krazy Kanadian, WWLD and Char. Four more domestic weblogs. I think I've just satisfied the CRTC quota for Canadian content.

Hmm... apparently I've been quite the topic of discussion over at EZboard. A bunch of hits came from someone's post, though since I don't have a login I don't know what's being said about me. Oh well, any publicity is good publicity.

This weblog is written in first-person from the perspective of some lady's dog. Interesting. Original. What an absurd idea.

Kelsey has a cool story about Neil Armstrong here. Unfortunately I can't link directly to it as she deleted the hyperlinks that go with each post, but just scroll to the March 27 entry. My apologies for the eyesore of a layout. She's just discovered html colours and is apparently trying to incorporate every one of them into her page.

Ever have one of those days? I showed up for my accounting class for the first time in a little while and had just printed off the notes I needed from the previous week so I could study for the quiz I knew was coming up soon. After patting myself on the back (and probably looking ridiculous doing so) for being so studious, I strolled into the room and sat down.

The atmosphere was relaxed as the students were chatting with each other about the important goings-on in their lives, waiting for the prof to show up. Some of the more diligent ones were reading over the lecture notes before class. Good for them, I thought.

After a couple of minutes the prof arrived with a stack of papers in his hand which he proceeded to distribute among us. Away went the background chattering and lecture notes and out came the calculators. Shit, that quiz is today.

I ended up throwing away ten percent of my mark this afternoon, just like that millionaire in the long-distance phone company commercial who makes airplanes out of his paper money and tosses them into the fire. A word of advice, people. Don't ever hire me to do pension benefit calculations for your company. Revenue Canada would sodomize you in much the same fashion that I fucked myself up the ass.

I just hope I can sit down again before finals start.

Welcome Big Mike. It's about time!

Okay Jamie I'm getting very disappointed. You've only done two posts. Ever. Keep this up and no more linkage for you.

And this is probably old news, but Joe is sporting a new look. Pas mal.

Jeff L. has finally let me send some traffic his way. Now he his weblog will have some more readers besides me.

My apologies to my audience for not being around here much the last couple of days. There's been a lot of shit to sort through with various relationships of mine, including my one with Kelsey. In case any of you were wondering, we're still together, though the road's been bumpy.

A lot of what's been going on (not necessarily with her) had to do with the aforementioned Hawiian party. There was drunkenness and harsh words and tears and a friend's parked car hit by a (probably) drunk driver, the hostess insulted under her own roof and one of the more freakish guests getting himself doped up on something exotic, and of course there were the lesbian encounters throughout the night.

Although some people reading this might consider it a great night to remember, it was anything but, despite our hostess' best efforts to keep everything (and everyone) together. A big thank-you to her for having us over for what would otherwise have been a great time, but even more so for being a friend.

That's about as much detail I want to go into on this public forum. I've probably given too much about my personal life already. Consider it making up for a week without anything meaningful to post. Hope you've been appeased.

Aloha. I'm off to a Hawiian-type party in Hamilton. Hawiian being a euphimism for "let's see Sanjay parade his chicken-legs around in shorts in distinctly un-Hawiian-like weather".

Happy birthday Big Mike!

Can you?

Wow. Reminds me of Cheech & Chong.

Someone searching for home made digital sex pictures was directed to my site today. Google ranked me eigth on the search page, which makes me wonder what I need to do to be ranked first.

This was Fred Patterson's sports comment yesterday morning on the Humble and Fred Show on Edge 102:

It's an ongoing debate. Does figure skating belong on the sports pages? Is it sports programming? Is there any part of it that should turn a fella's crank? I say no. It's entertainment. It's exhibition. It's dancing on ice. It's gymnastics in a costume. It's Lawrence Welk, Ed Sullivan or any other variety show from days gone by. Men and women dress up in frilly things and jump around on the ice with the intent of wooing crooked judges. Which brings me to another point. Why bother with the judges? Why not call a spade a spade? Take figure skating for what it is -- a fashion show on ice. Combine the two. Get the skaters to wear fashions from the latest designers, and flit around the ice while consultants decide whether they'll buy the costumes for their spring line. That way, everybody would be satisfied. The people who make the costumes, the skaters who like to spin around like freaks, and Jeanne Becker, who I'm sure would love to have the programming for Fashion TV. All we have to do is talk the women skaters into showing a little boob.

I agree wholeheartedly. Especially wtih the last bit.

Spring came out of hibernation today. And apparently so did some golfers. I know that today's balmy afternoon was a much-needed relief from the last few days of blistering cold, but it's not quite golfing weather. It's sad really, when you think about it. These cubicle- and office-dwellers are so empty and dejected from giving up their soul in pursuit of career advancement that they feel compelled to manufacture joy for themselves by thwacking a little white ball around a field of snow remnants, brown grass and mud.

And I intend to be one of them some day.

Back to blue again!

You're going to regret clicking here.

Here Nikki, I've done a post about you. And shamelessly created traffic for your site.

New weblogs sprouting every day like Tim Horton's on Hamilton streets. Namely Stacey's and Jamie's.

I called Kelsey something bad last night. After dropping her off at home she decided to say goodbye in French. "Au revoir, mon ange", or "Goodbye, my angel". I decided to impress her and attempt to say it back. Unfortunately, I didn't quite hear what she said, so I improvised.

"Au revoir, fromage" was what came out. Those of you who understand French (unlike myself, apparently) will know that I told her "Goodbye, cheese".

Anyone know a good florist?

It's new. It's minty. It's my St. Paddy's day layout.
Limited time only.

What a shitty day. Two people I care about are at each other's throats and I'm doing as well at peacekeeping as gasoline does at putting out fires. Tomorrow has to be better.

Great. NHL forward Keith Tkachuk was sent from the Phoenix Coyotes to the St. Louis Blues just before the trade deadline, which now officially makes my own jersey obsolete.

It's snowing again. Shitty.

Ever wonder exactly how a penny stacks up?

Ha. An anthropology essay due at 4:30 tomorrow afternoon. Time to start reading the articles, I guess. Or I could save myself a couple of hours and not read the articles, inserting random quotations every second paragraph. Who cares, it's anthropology! I think I'll procrastinate some more. Suggestions for a DVD rental?

I'm stealing this link from Dave. I spent two hours last night going through the archives of this weblog and enjoyed every minute of it. I've never been that interested in anyone's posts to do that before. Apparently there's been a link to it from Webwaste that I've been missing for some time. Shucks.

Trish's comments are gone. Apparently some guys are idiots. Too bad.

I found out exactly how far my car can go on a tank of gas. I was on my way to fill up my tank when it decided to crap out on me. What pissed me off is I was at the intersection where the Petro-Can was when it happened, but since I was driving alone I couldn't push my car into the station. Instead I walked over in the hopes that the gas attendant would lend me a gas can. Uh-uh. I had to buy one for $8 and change.

Stupid gas girl. Stupider me for always waiting until my tank is almost-empty before I fill it.

Mike's been harassing me cuz I've been neglecting my weblog lately. He threatened to panda-punch me if I didn't get my act together. It wouldn't be a good idea to enrage Mike.

I saw Snatch the other night. One of the best crime-comedy flicks I've seen; I was pissing myself laughing the whole way through. (I should really do something about that incontinence problem.) It was in a garbage theatre though, at Showcase on Harvester Rd. in Burlington. I swear I've seen bigger tv screens.

Shitty theatre and all, it was still well worth the admission price. The only thing more amusing that night was tossing Skittles down Kelsey's cleavage.

I've noticed that my readership has been steadily increasing. Not that I have as many readers as some of the more estabished weblogs (such as Joe, Jish or Dave), but since I redesigned my layout more and more people have been coming (or coming back) to read about my daily goings-on and my occasional rants.

Thank to you all for taking an interest in me. It makes it much easier for me to justify the time I spend neglecting other stuff.

No more kinky StorTrooper. Kelsey did up a new, more casual me. I removed the shades from her design though; didn't want to apprear too suave or I might have to beat the ladies off with a stick (again).

New. From Jon.

Gift from Kelsey:

Name: Halo II Date of Birth: Jan 14, 2000 Little angel up above Guard me with your special love Make sure that you will always be By my side and close to me! www.ty.com

Pas de blog ce soir. Je suis fatigué.

I had another run-in with the picketters yesterday morning. This time I was on my way to my midterm. I didn't leave early because I figured they couldn't possibly be out there on a Saturday. Wrong. Fifteen minutes before the start of my exam I was stuck on the street behind a line of cars and a couple of Hamilton's Finest directing traffic (and I guess at the same time preventing bloodshed). Most of those waiting to get in probably had exams too, since students wouldn't likely miss Saturday morning cartoons without good reason.

I had gotten just one hour's sleep the night before and I was already on edge. Now I was near-panicked. What I ended up doing (again) was driving around to another side of campus and climbing a curb to get in, much to the amusement of some passers-by. This time though I bottomed out. My poor car... I don't think it's gonna be able to take many more excursions like this.

This strike had better be over soon or I might just be the first Mac student this year to go postal.

While flipping channels I came across Fraggle Rock for the first time in about sixteen years. It's on Saturday mornings at 11:30 on CBC. I used to watch it religiously and today I was actually considering missing work to see it. For those of you who don't know what a Fraggle is (you poor deprived children), I was going to post a link but all I couldn't find anything worth linking to. This discovery completely made my day. Ah, to be a kid again...

The McMaster University Staff Association (MUSA) went on strike today in an effort to reach their first collective agreement. That means that virtually everyone who isn't a professor, teacher's assistant or food vendor didn't go to work this morning. Those who did go to work picketted in front of the entrances all day in an effort to thwart students and teachers from reaching their destinations. It took two hours for some people to get to their classes. As I drive to school, I was one of those poor unfortunate souls stranded on Main Sreet.

I am very anti-union to begin with. Unions have far too much power in Canada. They encourage worker laziness and restrict management's ability to react to ever-changing market conditions. (Of course these workers in question work for the government, but I'm not even going to get started with that.) Piss me off by picketting a student parking lot (why?) and adversely affecting my education privellege that cost years' worth of savings, and you have one very unhappy capitalist here.

What gets me most is that on my way out of school, a group of picketters had the audacity to ask me to honk in support of their noble cause. It was good thing that they were the younger and more nimble of the group or my Buick medallion would have found its way up someone's prosterior. They didn't take too kindly to my hurtling car or the extended middle finger that followed. It's true, you never really do learn to swear until you drive.

This isn't the first time that McMaster has been affected by labour unrest. In the four years that I've been attending this school there have been strikes by physical plant employees (janitors), teaching assistants and the Hamilton Transit system, and each time it was the students who suffered most. I just pray we don't get into the same situation York University got into where the school was shut down and students missed their exams. I will be extremely pissed off if I don't graduate this year because of this.

The university and the MUSA have the entire weekend to reach an agreement but by the looks of it these negotiations are going to drag on, which means that Monday morning will bring with it more chaos and confusion. I managed to shave an hour off my drive to school this morning by cutting across the campus lawn. I might not be able to do that anymore if campus security found my tread marks today. If that happens I hope the picketters can run as fast as they did this afternoon, or those workers might get just what they deserve.

Yum... I think a skunk just died in front of my house. I didn't think they came out in winter. I guess this one should've stayed in.

I've been feeling really disenchanted with things lately. Specifically, school. I know that every (well, almost every) working person I've spoken to says they miss the "good ole days", especially those that went through university, but having spent 16 months (on internship) already as a full-time financial analyst, I beg to differ.

For example, right now I'm studying for a Canadian Taxation midterm I have on Saturday. I have two issues with this: Had I been working right now, I would have spent tonight watching the Leafs beat the Capitals in overtime, and then maybe spent the rest of the night reading or watching a movie or puttting cool stuff on this site. The other thing is that on Saturday I would probably be sleeping in before I waste the afternoon away and go out somewhere at night. Instead I have to be at school at 9am to write an exam, work right afterwards and then probably crash in the evening because I work Sunday, too.

Another problem right now in my case is motivation. I know I have a job lined up upon my graduation this spring. I know that the offer letter made no mention of me achieving a certain grade point average. I also know that it doesn't even mention me necessarily graduating from university (though if I don't graduate it would be incredibly stupid of me). So why am I busting my balls here learning about how many years a corporation can carry forward deductions for charitable donations? (The answer is five years, in case you were interested.) The only thing keeping me going is the fact that I want to obtain an accounting designation after I get my degree, and I'm gonna need to know this stuff for the CMA entrance exam in June. In a career hard work is rewarded by bonuses, raises, promotions, etc. And if it isn't, a headhunter is only a phone call away. Right now hard work is rewarded only with aggrivation.

There's one other obvious advantage to being at work, and that's the salary. I hate not being able to enjoy the lifestyle I was used to a year ago. I hate looking down at the little slip the ATM spits out and seeing the words "you suck" in print across the top. More than that though, I hate having to depend on my parents again to provide me with food and shelter. It's like I took a step back towards childhood when I moved back home in September.

One thing I did miss during work however, was the social life. My 8-hour days at school usually consist of three or four hours of class (if that) and the rest of the time hanging out with friends. Once I graduate, that will be all over. Poof. My daytime social life will probably depend on inter-office email or the occasional birthday lunch, though I imagine my night life will improve significantly.

So that's my rant. If anyone would like to bless me with their own thoughts on this matter (or in general try to lift my spirits), I'd like to hear from them.