"A million monkeys banging on a million typewriters for a million years will eventually reproduce the entire works of Shakespeare."

Every year I agonize over what kind of presents to get my parents. Mother's Day, Father's Day, birthdays, etc. Mom especially... she is definitely lacking in the hobbies and interests category. This year was no different.

For example, last year I sent my parents to an improv show featuring Colin Mochrie and Brad Sherwood from Whose Line is it Anyway?. They returned from it telling me that it wasn't worth what I spent.

Last year I gave up and just got my mom flowers. She complained about that too, telling me they were just going to die and be thrown out.

This year I decided to get mom a one-hour massage from a spa nearby. I thought it would be something nice as she never treats herself to that kind of stuff. Wrong again.

She opened the card, asked me what to do with it, then asked how much I spent and then if I could get my money back. I guess the only safe thing to give her is cash, but of course that's stupid too as they do the same for my birthday so at the end of the day we just end up swapping bills.

Next year I think I'll just forget it all together and go golfing instead.